FIVE!!

Five years ago when Maya was born, a good friend told me that what I was about to experience would be the most challenging, yet most rewarding thing I will ever do. It was impossible to understand the magnitude of that statement with no parenthood experience under my belt, I remember thinking "I wonder what she means by 'challenging' afterall, I have siblings, I was a nanny, it isn't much different than that, right?" How wrong I was... Nobody told me that when you give birth, you give your heart and soul to this teeny, red faced person. After having Maya, it felt like my heart was literally outside my body, living and beating in this tiny person. I experienced a feeling of such love and responsibility that I simply didn't know was possible. It resonated through my soul, I was a changed person, I would never be the same, there was no turning back. I remember a few weeks after Maya was born, sending my own sweet mother a birthday package in the mail, and sitting in the parking lot of the post office, weeping as I was writing her card. Weeping for all the times I took her for granted, for all the times I didn't deserve her love, for all the times I just plain old didn't understand the love she had for me and my siblings. For the first time, I knew what it felt like to be a mother and to worry every minute of the day about a child, a child that is dearly loved and was badly wanted. My life? My life would never be the same, and you know what? I've never looked back. I love you Maya, thanks for letting me be your mama.